The best coaches know when to use a time-out. Although course correction happens while the clock is running, coaches sometimes see things happening that require more time to address. A stoppage in play is needed to gather the team, give a report, and outline a plan. Savvy coaches know that overusing time-outs hinders a team’s rhythm. Likewise, failure to use time-outs can allow the other team to build crushing momentum.
Parenting is much like coaching. Some of our best parenting advice is called from the sidelines. “Do your homework!” “Be careful!” “Brush your teeth!” However, there is a subtle rip current that causes parents to miss the moments when a time-out is warranted. That rip current is BUSYNESS!
Just the other day our home phone rang. My wife and I both picked up and a young boy on the other end asked for our 11-year old son. No big deal. I handed him the phone and said, like a coach handing his point guard the basketball, “It’s for you.”
30 minutes after their call ended, I received an email notifying me of a text my son had received from the caller. (TextFree is a great way to introduce kids to texting in a way you can monitor). The text read, “Dude, Mark says that he hates u and u hate me! That’s y I told u that on the phone.” I didn’t like what I was seeing on the court. I conferred with my coaching staff (AKA my wife), and we called a time-out.
While we were extremely busy that evening, and hadn’t planned on this divergence, we sat down with our son to talk. After a series of questions we discovered our son was involved in a situation where one threatened boy was pitting his friends against each other for fear of losing his best friend. While my wife and I had seen this kind of drama before, it was uncharted territory for our son.
With a little probing, a fair amount of explaining, and some brainstorming we drew up a play that ultimately changed the outcome. Our son felt a weight lifted from his shoulders. The boy who called was relieved to discover our son didn’t hate him. And the orchestrator of this chaos…well we suspect he was comforted to know he wouldn’t be alone on the playground.
When we called the time out we didn’t know if it would be a 30-second or a full time-out. It turned out to be a 30-second (30 minutes in real-time). The important thing was we didn’t let our busyness distract us from the game being played that night right there on our home court.
Busyness diverts our attention from the things that matter. When the momentum of life shifts our kids sometimes need us to call a time-out! If we’re not watching the game with the eyes of a coach, we may miss those moments when a time-out is needed and put the game in jeopardy.
How well are you managing your time-outs coach?